Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
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