Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
