Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
