walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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