did you get engaged???
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
