everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
