if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Everything about him screamed your future.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
