Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize