at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
