it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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