I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
