Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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