I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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