i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
