You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
