One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
