just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
