Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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