I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
