so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
