ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
