He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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