there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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