I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
