Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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