your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
