I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I think my vagina is haunted
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
