Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I FOUND THE LEGS
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
