....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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