tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
