the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
