If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize