I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
it's like iHOP with fire
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
