I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
