is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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