Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
