i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
