i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Go christen that room with your naked body.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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