Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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