Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Randomize
