I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
