Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
