I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
