none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
