sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
