Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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