Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
