I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
