i may or may not be watching the land before time
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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