Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I think we might need a safe word for this...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
