Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
