Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
