her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
