At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
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