high people should be assigned attendants
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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