I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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