So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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