the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He's on the porch naked. Help.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
