you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
