Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
