Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
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