you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
