Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
