Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
