The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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