I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
